Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Potato Chip Reduction Therapy

I have turned myself into Bloator the Magnificent.  Normally, I'd say that I've somehow turned myself into Bloator the Magnificent because I wouldn't really know exactly what did it, but in this instance I know exactly what did it. 

Potato chips.

There is now doubt about it.  We had them constantly available in the house from about the time we returned from the holidays, and we ate them with complete abandon.  As someone with incipient hypertension symptoms and a family history of strokes, it was one of the worst things to do.  For three months I could always turn, day or night, to the Lays or Ruffles or Trader Joe's chips and get my fix of the wonderful, greasy saltiness. 

Yogi Berra said in an ad on TV the "Grease doesn't taste good, taste tastes good!"  I have to disagree.  Salty grease on a potato chip tastes GREAT!  Washed down with beer, there is almost nothing better at times.  So, I just let it ride and I inhaled these things.  Suddenly, there was another eight pounds, and another few points added to the systolic and diastolic.  Bein' that I'm 55 now and friends and acquaintances are starting to topple over, I thought maybe it was foolish to continue my affair with deep-fried roots.  

Abatement wasn't working, so I am now undergoing potato chip reduction therapy.  The initial stage involves the painful process of complete removal of chips and fries from the diet.  The patient often returns home from a day at work and has trouble concentrating.  The temptation to snack on anything within reach is nearly overwhelming.  The patient paces back and forth, talking to wife and kids about anything in hopes of keeping his mind off chips.  The goal is one complete month without eating a single potato chip, then we hope to phase into a more moderate approach with small doses allowed on weekends, thus achieving an overall reduction in the level of consumption and a more salubrious approach to snacking. 

Otherwise I'm doomed. 


Blogger Don said...

I hardly ever eat 'em. I love 'em but just don't buy any. When I go shopping I'm shockingly parsimonious. This is of course why I eat a lot of prepared foods out of the house, so I'm really not any better off.

Thanks to you I'll probably buy some today at lunchtime.

9:08 AM  
Blogger Harry said...

Happy to be of service!

I have the hardest damned time with those things. If they are there, it's OK for a day or two then I fall apart and inhale them. I've hit a metabolic step of some kind and weight is slower coming off, so I gotta watch it. I don't buy the either...anymore. Uh huh. We'll see how long I last.

I also can't swim 'cause my right
shoulder is impinged. Damn. I am beginning to look like a bowling pin.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Mme. Coelacanth said...

Wait...you're 55?

11:11 AM  
Blogger Harry said...

Well, not just yet, but effectively. I guess I was a little premature on that score. Maybe I was just feeling older than hell. Lately that hasn't been hard to do. However, give me another 13 days, if you would.

1:25 PM  

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