Thursday, June 07, 2012

Of Swirling Dogs and Interdimensional Turds

Having two energetic and affectionate dogs is a dream come true in some ways.  I have always thought that a family is not complete unless there's one or two dogs in it.  So when Springheel Jack left this world we waited a bit and picked up first one then another rescued pup.  Kona is a lean, muscular, rambunctious pit bull hound mutt (we think).  She's as friendly as the day is long and always makes sure she knows where our children are at bedtime.  She has a head like a small pot roast.  

Tamaroa is a slender, slightly spooky, coal black foundling from Taiwan.  He looks like one of those dogs you see on ancient Egyptian frescos; slender, and black with spiky ears and fine features.  He is friendly and a great alarm dog, giving the word when strangers come in or make noise outside.  He is also a thief of great skill.  We can normally hear him clicking around the house like any dog, but now a then he goes into stealth mode.  When he is intent on either stealing food off our counters, or pulling unprintable things out of the bathroom wastebasket, he can be completely silent.  He is a master at waiting until we are absorbed in something then he slowly and silently moves off toward his intended swag.  Not a surprise since he lived by his wits in the mountains of Taiwan for most of the beginning of his life.  Nevertheless, he is a "Fido" in every other sense of the word.  He follows us everywhere unless he sacked out. 

They spend all day on workdays on the yard, and the one unpleasant thing about having two young healthy dogs whose metabolism run high is the COSMIC amount of dog turds they produce.  It is truly shocking how we constantly fill plastic shopping bags with loads of the stuff.  Shocking, but not strange.

What I have come to conclude is that their turds have the ability to travel interdimensionally.  My wife and I both have had the experience of seeing turds on the ground where we swear there wasn't any when we looked there before.  This has happened nearly every time I have run turd patrol in the yard.  The weird stinky nuggets seem to be able to travel to the 13th dimension when I approach with a bag, then they return through the portal when my back is turned.  I have no other explanation, unless what they are doing is moving to an alternate universe.  They have developed the habit of returning to this one AFTER I have tied off the turd bag.  

I wonder if I am the first to discover this, and if its always been happening or is it a new phenomenon.  Still to have two, swirling four-footed family members like these is worth even interdimensional turds in the yard.