FLADDAP!

That's the sound my stomach will make as it flaps wetly against my invisible groin on hot days.

Here it is again, months later, and another post coming in after a period of nothingness. I have great desires to express myself in print, and every now and again an issue or a thought to explore, and life just constantly steamrolls my plans.

So now we are into 2012. This is clearly the year my youthful excesses, or what's left of them, must begin to fade away. Aside from a few too many social cigarettes over the years, and far too many nights of serious drinking, though nothing recent in either case, I have maintained my carcass in better shape than most people my age in this country. I can do a lot of things that 53 year old males generally can't do (mostly because they don't try, but still...). I'm not a disgusting fat body (well, I'm not fat . . . yet). Anyway, you get the idea.

Thinking that I'm holding up pretty well, despite a bit of mild hypertension, I went to the Quack and found out that my cholesterol is waaaay up. I made the decision to just give a few things up, and shave off about ten pounds. People laugh when I say this because I am tall and don't show extra weight. Came the holidays and my wife and I decided to just go ahead and eat like pigs because it's all coming to an end and our diets would start tomorrow. I gained 5 pounds instead of losing ten but I'll just work it off and cut a few things out.

Lo! and Behold! I can't. Somewhere along the line, I walked over an open manhole and my metabolism fell in without me. I don't think I even have a metabolism anymore. It's shocking, I tell you! I wonder if I am now running on 53 years of momentum. Hopefully, it'll keep rolling for another 40 year or so.